Sumesh Chandran's invitation is awaiting your response

Sumesh Chandran would like to connect on LinkedIn. How would you like to respond? Sumesh Chandran Senior Manager - Marketing (Graphics) Confirm you know Sumesh You are receiving Reminder emails for pending invitations. Unsubscribe © 2014, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

Sumesh Chandran's invitation is awaiting your response

Sumesh Chandran would like to connect on LinkedIn. How would you like to respond? Sumesh Chandran Senior Manager - Marketing (Graphics) Confirm you know Sumesh You are receiving Reminder emails for pending invitations. Unsubscribe © 2014, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

Invitation to connect on LinkedIn

From Sumesh Chandran Senior Manager - Marketing (Graphics) at India Infoline Wealth Management Ltd Mumbai Area, India I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn. - Sumesh Confirm that you know Sumesh You are receiving Invitation to Connect emails. Unsubscribe © 2014, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

When God goes high tech

'Hi! Thank you for calling God. Please select one of the following:

 

If you are Christian, dial 1

All Hindus, dial 2

All Muslims, dial 3

All others, dial 0.'

 

So, lets say you are a Hindu and you dialled 2. Here is what you hear:

 

Press 1 for Requests

Press 2 for Thank you messages for God

Press 3 for Complaints about unfulfilled promises

Press 4 for All other inquiries.

If your prayers are still not answered, dial '0' and ask for Naradmuni.'

 

Or, if all Gods were busy, you might hear this:

 

'We are sorry, all our Gods are busy helping other Bhaktas and Sinners. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received. Please stay on line. One of the Gods will be with you soon.'

 

Or, it could even go this way when you start praying:

 

'If you know your God's extension, dial it now.'

 

Or, you might hear this:

 

'If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.

For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.

For Lord Krishna, Press 3.

To confess your sins, press 4.

To ask for favours, Press 5.'

 

Or, you might even hear this:

 

'You have reached Lord Krishna's extension. I am going to be away to conduct a special yuddha to save the humanity and will be away until the year 2012. If this is something urgent and cannot wait until then, call Shankara at GB +44  779000020000  Call. If you want to speak to someone else, for other gods' directory, Press 6 now.'

 

Or you might even hear something like this if you call toward the end of your life cycle:

 

'If you think you have reservations at our Heavenly Resort, please provide your name, social security number and be ready to provide the proof of your eligibility. If you do not have the proof of eligibility, please dial 420-HELL and ask for General Manager Ravana, who will be happy to help you.'

 

Or, depending on the purpose of your call, you might hear this:

 

'If you are calling to find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press  5, enter his or her 'mantra' number, then press the 0 key. If you get a negative response, try area code 420-HELL.'

 

For all you know in this day and age of quotas and all, you might even get a response like this:

 

'Our computer records show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.'

 

Or you might even here this if you call on the wrong day:

 

'This Main Office of Heaven is closed for DIWALI holidays. If this is an emergency, you may try our Himalayan Retreat in the mean time by dialling 6000-31,000.'

 

So, let us hope and pray that God never learns about computers - because if he does, we are in BIG trouble! 

Weighting Machine

On Weighting Machine:

A girl was checking her weight - 58 Kg.

Removed Sandal - 56 Kg.

Then Jacket - 53 Kg.

Then Dupatta - 52 Kg.

Then... there was no coins left in the bag...

Little Johnny was next in queue behind her said: "You carry on.. I'll put the coins!! "

Ad Mad

Johnny and his younger brother walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of WHISPER and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me.

They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to climb trees and ride a bike. He can't do either.

Change the oil !

It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl.

After a year she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered " You`ve got to keep that old motor running."

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said "You`ve got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said "You must be quite a man."

He responded "You`ve got to keep that old motor running."

The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil in that old motor, this one`s 'black'."